We have been working tirelessly trying to finish up our book about Faith’s life. It has been what seems an extremely long process. After sitting dormant on this project for some time, the Lord was really working on my heart about getting it done. I felt so overwhelmed by the whole thing. It hurt so bad to sit and recount, but I wanted it to be perfect. I was talking to Bryan several months ago and he suggested I pray about finding someone to help me. My pride got in the way at first. This is my project that God has asked ME to do. But I just didn’t have a peace about not doing something. One night, during a youth workers meeting, I asked my friends to pray for me that I could get this finished. The details are all God, and I will write a post all about it one day, but God through his awesome power provided the greatest blessing along the way. Nat offered to partner with me and help me finish it, and I am telling you, we couldn’t have done anything without her. She has really been a God-send to us. She keeps me going, motivated, and on task She has been working so hard to get it done.
When I first embarked on this mission, I thought it would be fairly easy. I had blogged what I thought was every last detail there was to know, but I was so off target with that one. I am telling you that the writing of this book, reliving every moment from the most life-changing thing to take place in our lives has restarted the cycle of grief , and has been the absolute hardest thing I have ever done. God has taught me a great lesson through this. So many times when we are facing a trial, we want so badly for him to tell us how it all plays out. We think it would be so much easier if we just knew what was going to happen, we would do it with a more willing heart. That is the farthest thing from the truth.
Because we know how our story has played out, we know it is hard. We know that our family took some hits, that our kids have been forever changed. We know that we faced some dark days. We know that our lives have been changed forever. While none of those things are bad, and every last one of them has grown us spiritually, they are extremely hard to relive, ripping scabs off of wounds that we thought were completely healed with only a scar to show for our pain. Wrong Again!!! Now I know why it has taken so long to complete it. I now also know why it takes faith to walk in obedience to God. When things get hard, and we know how it ends, we aren’t so quick to be willing. When we are in the trenches, depending on God for every last detail, we easily trust in Him, because we know no other way.
This has all been weighing so heavy on my heart. I have felt like the grieving mother all over again, back at square one. I have been overwhelmed by the task of recounting our story, but I know that God is in it, and He is going to use it on His terms. Last night, we had the great opportunity to see Chris Tomlin and Louie Giglio in concert. I experienced worship like never before. The Holy Spirit just poured into me like salve on a wounded heart. I think I cried the entire time I was there. But they weren’t tears of sadness and grief, they were tears of gratefulness for all He has done in my life and in the lives of my family.
You’ve seen me reference the song “How Great is Our God” on here many times. The most memorable post with that song was when I was able to post the pictures of Faith from the hospital. We knew that those words were the testimony of her life. We even sang it in worship at her memorial service. To get to hear it last night, straight from the man who wrote it and recorded it was a supernatural blessing. How Great is Our God!!!