Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Threatened

The word “threatened” is mostly associated with the feeling of fear. If someone threatens you, it is typically out of anger. If you feel threatened by someone or something, it brings anxiety. I cannot think of any positive way in which the word “threatened could be used.

This was a term I heard on Monday. I have heard the word used many times in my 31 years, but never before has it bothered me in the way it did Monday.

I went in for a second ultrasound due to some complications I have been having. It took the tech a while to find the baby, but she finally did. While it did have a heartbeat, it hasn’t grown like it should in the past two weeks. She also found a blood clot in my uterus. All of these findings came to one diagnosis…”threatened miscarriage.”

I was heartbroken. Those are not the words you ever want to hear. A mother never wants to hear that her child is “threatened” in any way; whether they are here on earth, or waiting in the womb. Once I made it to the car, I called Rob and fell apart. My worldly, human self was taking over. I was hopeless. I knew it was over. I cried all day.

Once I took the time to really pray about it, I simply asked God to help me accept what His will would be. I was overcome by a peace as He reminded me that He is never threatened. His plan is greater than any we could ever dream of. In His eyes, even this baby isn’t threatened. He knows the plans for this child, not me. Not a doctor. Not a friend. The only way His plans become threatened, is if we choose not to trust in Him and give Him full control. His plan may be that this baby doesn’t make it, but it won’t be a mistake. His plan may be that this baby does make it, and will be a testimony of His power. Only He knows that.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

His plan is not to harm me, but to grow me and give me hope. I have to be okay with whatever that looks like.

As I pray daily for this child, I now pray that God will give me the strength to live out my faith in a difficult time. Not just to say that I trust Him, but to show others I trust Him. I would be lying if I said it didn’t hurt, or that it was easy. But I know that my relationship with Jesus is stronger than any doubt Satan can tempt me with.

My prayer is that I live my life to reflect the love of my Savior. To show that He has control of my life. To share with others all He has done in my life. For Him to say to me “Well done, good and faithful servant.” Matthew 25:23.

4 comments:

Charon Benton said...

what a wonderful testimony SaraBeth! I'm praying all is well......

Lisa Lundy said...

Just wanted you to know I'm praying for you. I pray that God will give you peace and comfort no matter what happens.

Christina said...

I love you Sarabeth, and your strength in Lord is so encouraging to all of your blog followers...myself included. You know that you and "baby J" are in our prayers!

Carrie said...

I am praying for you SaraBeth. I'm so sorry you were at that appointment alone. I hope you have a healthy, happy baby and God continues to give you peace.