Monday, March 5, 2012

Loving Myself

I have really struggled with a love for myself lately.  Actually, the lack thereof.  My weight has been such a burden, and my bitterness towards it has taken control of my attitude.  I have been so short with those that I love, and pushing them away because I am so miserable with myself.

I have prayed over and over that the Lord would deliver me from this stronghold.  Even if He won’t deliver me from being overweight, maybe He could see fit to deliver me from the bad attitude towards being overweight.  I have really tried hard the past several weeks to diet and eat “clean.”  I weigh everyday, and as soon as I lose a pound, it finds me again the next morning.

This has really put a damper on my relationship with Jesus.  Satan is using it to hold me back from all that Jesus is asking me to do.  I have been in such a funk.  I haven’t written in almost 3 weeks.  I am speaking this weekend at a ladies luncheon at church, and although the Lord has laid something on my heart to speak about, I just keep saying to myself that it isn’t good enough. 

I was talking to Rob about it in the car last night, and Cade (my little disciple) said, “Momma.  You have to love yourself.  Jesus made you and He loves you.  Now you just need to love yourself.”

Rob has told me that time and time again, but I think it meant so much more coming from the mouth of my 8 year old. 

As David writes in Psalm 139, he realizes that no matter where we are, or what we are feeling, the Lord knows us.  He knew us before He created us. 

1 You have searched me, LORD,
   and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
   you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
   you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
   you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
   and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
   too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
   Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
   if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
   if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
   your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
   and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
   the night will shine like the day,
   for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book
   before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
   How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
   they would outnumber the grains of sand—
   when I awake, I am still with you.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for making me who you wanted me to be.  Thank you for knowing me before you created me.  You know my heart and you know my weakness.  Please help me to praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Release me from this stronghold that Satan is holding over me.  I want to be available to be used by you, not separated from you because of my sinful attitude.  I love you Jesus.



Carrie said...

That Cade...God bless his sweet heart :) As a momma, I know you are so proud of him! As for the weight issues, know that you are not alone! I have taken to buying shoes. Retail therapy and I don't even have to take my clothes off in a dressing room!

Lisa said...

I am in the same boat and I know all too well how you feel. But I refuse to let satan win. I started jogging a couple of weeks ago and although I look the same, I feel so much better about myself. It's a awesome time to talk to God too! I make myself jog everyday even if it's only 1/2 mile and I love it. I prayed that God would help me remove my addiction to food and that I would be addicted to jogging instead, fair trade I say!I will be praying for you! Keep your head up :)