Our appointment yesterday was met with mixed emotions. I had been dreading going back to Shands, but I am very glad we did. Walking through those doors again, my heart sank as we passed the very bathroom that we had to stop at on the way out the last time. The same bathroom that Rob completely fell apart as he was processing the news we had just received. It was the worst moment of our lives, and it felt as if we were re-living it all over again.
As we walked into the doctor’s office, it was hard to keep back the tears. Oh the joy on the faces of the young mothers that sat there, yet Satan was doing everything he could to overcome what joy we had. Then, a lady that we knew passed by behind the doors, and waved us back. I had no idea she worked there, but she was going to be our tech for our appointment. This was a divine appointment set by God himself, that she would be with us. She lost her own daughter when she was 5 1/2 to cancer. She told us that she had been praying for us, and that she knew we had a hard road in front of us. But she also reminded us that God would be faithful to carry us through it because that is what He promises us. God never ceases to amaze me by his faithfulness to show up in the hardest of times. He reminds me that He is always in control, and He cares about even the least of the details.
As our baby appeared on the screen, she was kicking around like a ninja. We got some really cute pictures of her face and hands. We got to see a different doctor this time, which I was a little anxious about. But again, God blessed us with a very compassionate, kind man that was very informative and answered a lot of our questions.
She looked pretty much the same as last week, EXCEPT her heart is definitely in her chest cavity, though it is not covered by anything in the front. The consensus last week was that it was on the outside. It also looked perfectly healthy, with ALL FOUR CHAMBERS. God is GOOD!!! We even got to see a few of her ribs surrounding her heart. The doctor also told us that her lungs are perfectly formed, which before we were under the impression that they wouldn’t develop. Again, the little things!
I felt the urging over and over to ask and make sure we were definitely looking at a fatal diagnosis. “Are we sure there is nothing that can be done?”
He thought for a moment. He explained that the main issue is not that the organs aren’t there, or that they aren’t developed properly. Because they are all there, and perfectly developed. But that it would be really hard to close up the chest and abdomen once they put all of the organs back in place. She doesn’t have a diaphragm, so they would have to construct one. But he did offer this….
I go back in March. He will scan me again, then conference with his peers and pediatric surgeons to get their opinion on what could be done if anything. The good news is that we never even thought this was possible.
Though this would seem like great news, it is met with great anxiety. Will we know what implications will come with any surgeries should we decide to go that route? We do not want to put our daughter through anything that would prolong any pain or suffering. Our number one priority is to glorify God in all that we do, and we do not want to interfere with what He has planned for her life. So we are now desperately seeking guidance from the Lord as to what we should do. Please rejoice with us as we know that God is working miracles in the little things. But also pray for us as we seek what God would have us do in the life of our daughter.