One year ago today, life as we knew it changed forever. We sat in a tiny office at Shands and heard the news that no parent should ever have to hear. I went back and read the blog I posted about that appointment, and I had to smile because the first thing that caught my attention was the fact that our baby was first thought to be a boy. This was just the first of many opportunities that the Lord used to prove that He was in control, not the doctors or Rob and me.
I have many mixed emotions today. Of course, I am sad. I am sad that life had to change so drastically. I am sad that the only earthly part of my daughter is a concrete slab sitting in Newnansville Cemetery. I am sad that I am the only one, other than Jesus, who truly knew everything about her. I am sad that every time my children see a pregnant lady, they ask if that baby is going to Heaven.
But in many ways, I feel honored. I feel honored that the God of the Universe CHOSE us to be Faith’s parents. He had pure confidence in us that we would be obedient to His calling in our lives. He chose to bless us with an intimacy with Him that we’ve never known before. He chose to give us the greatest gift of life, and to show us what it means to truly give your children to Him.
I feel proud. I am proud of the difference my daughter has made in my life, and many lives around us. She has truly left a footprint on the hearts of many people. She has done more to show the love of Jesus than I ever will in my lifetime. I am proud of Cade and SaraGrace, and how they love her so much and talk about her all of the time. I am proud that Cade has become so bold to share Jesus with everyone around him. I am proud of Rob and I will never forget what a loving Daddy he was to Faith.
I am thankful. I am thankful that Jesus has renewed our faith in Him. He has renewed our daughter in Heaven. He has renewed our relationship with one another. He has restored my marriage, when Satan wanted nothing more than to claim victory in Faith’s life and death. He has blessed me with a wonderful husband who has held me up when I was too weak to stand. He has blessed me with friends who have dried up tears, listened to my grumbling, and just simply held my hand every step of the way. He has blessed me with a family that loves unconditionally, even in the tough times.
There is no remnant of the life that existed before November 15, 2010. It is all very different. Though there have been many tears, heart aches, heart breaks and disappointments, there have been even more blessings. My God is so good. All of the time!