Rob and I were invited to hear our friend, CJ, preach on Sunday. We always enjoy hearing him, and he always does a great job. But I now know that God had ordained us to be there Sunday. CJ preached on grief, from the story of Lazarus in John 11. He shared how Jesus waited for several days before traveling to see about Lazarus. That he loved him and his family so much, that he was deeply moved and troubled and even wept. But what was so intriguing about the message was the lesson that was to be learned from Martha and Mary. Both were so distraught that their brother had died, yet they should have rejoiced that their brother was in Heaven, leaving behind the pain and suffering this world has to offer. They missed out on an opportunity to share the eternal hope of what comes from a relationship with Jesus.
When Martha was upset that Jesus hadn’t been there, this was what went down:
21 “Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died. 22 But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.”
23 Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”
24 Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.”
25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; 26 and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”
Yesterday, our hopes of bringing home a baby girl were shattered yet again! We met with Dr. K, believing that we would be making plans for surgery, for her care in the NICU, going over the long list of questions I had prepared for him, so that I could be prepared for what this life had to give our daughter.
None of OUR plans were even heard. Dr. K was there to tell us that he had reviewed our MRI, and he believed that the abdominal repair would be much too great for Faith to survive it. He said that his life is saving babies that cannot be saved. But nothing in him believed our Faith is “fixable.”
I felt as if the calendar had turned back to November 15th, 2010 when we first received the news that our child did not stand a chance. So much up and down, hope and no hope, and we sat there once again with the wind knocked out of us and all we had once hoped for.
This abdominal surgery has been done before, but only ended up with months of multiple surgeries, infections, and had the same outcome with the babies not surviving. He did admit that MRI’s are not always 100% accurate, and that doctors were only human, so there is a chance that their interpretations could be off.
After we finished listening to all he had to say, we discussed what would take place after delivery. As of now, the plan is to attempt to stabilize her with a breathing tube, so that he and his team can get a full analysis of Faith and all that is going on with her little body. Once he has time to make a full examination and determination (which he feels will be that nothing can be done) we will make the decision to let her go into the arms of Jesus peacefully. We did ask about donating her organs, and someone will be contacting us with that information.
While we cannot understand why it seems as though we have come so far, only to be back at square one, we do understand that Jesus said, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die.” We believe this! Our God is sovereign. He is perfect. We want Him to be glorified through any and all decisions that are made for our daughter.
We have not lost hope, because our hope comes from God and God alone. We do believe that He can perform miracles, as we have already seen time and time again. But we also are trusting in Him. Trusting that He alone knows what is best for our daughter. We are trusting Him and giving Him the glory for all that He has done in and through Faith.
We will choose to rejoice if He does indeed decide to take her from us. We will rejoice that she will live eternally with the Father who can love her far better than we can. We will rejoice that she will never know the pain and the suffering this world would have offered her. We will rejoice and say “How Great is our God!”