Today has been a much better day. Though yesterday was extremely emotional and tough, God showed Himself in so many ways. Amy, Christina and I have been calling these moments “God Winks.” Apparently there is a book with this title, and I can’t wait to get my hands on it.
The biggest moment of my day was when Rob and I had our devotion time last night. As I mentioned yesterday, it had started in the book of Job at the beginning of the week. The title for last night’s devotion was “Crisis of Faith.” Here is what is said:
“Sally and I went through a time when my faith was challenged to the very core of my being. When our daughter Becki developed cancer in 1978, I believed God would answer my prayers to heal her. When that didn’t happen, I became very angry at God. I was totally devastated. After the doctor told us he would have to amputate Becki’s leg, I turned to Sally and said, “We’re going to have to be very strong from now on because God isn’t going to care for us.” I was ready to leave the ministry. Sally was busy helping Becki after surgery, but fortunately I had three close friends who let me pour out my grief. They stood by me and let me ventilate for hours on end. It ultimately came to a point where I had to say, “I’m either going to trust myself, or I am going to trust God blindly.” I realized if I trusted myself there would be nothing but despair, because I could not control life. So the only viable option was to trust God-Jim Conway”
The verse for the day was Job 13:15-“Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him.”
When he talked about the three close friends, I just had to laugh! I poured my heart out to Amy, Christina and Sarah. I had to vent too! But God just spoke to me ever so softly, to remind me that it was Satan wanting me to feel defeated. It was Satan wanting me to believe that Faith would be forgotten. He reminded me that this is His story, and Satan will not have a say so, unless I allow him to.
So, I have decided that I will not trust myself, but I choose to trust God blindly, because I know by trusting myself and the world will bring nothing but despair. But trusting in Jesus will give me the strength and the hope to endure. He has given us hope in eternity, and that is what we have clung to the last several months. As my Uncle Ron reminded me at Faith’s service, we now have treasure in heaven, waiting for us to meet her there.